From the President, Jaco B. ten Hove
from MaleCall Column, Oct. 3, 2001
O, brothers, where art thou? The weeks roll on since huge pieces of our national and emotional landscape crumbled before our eyes and within our hearts. These are times that try men’s souls, to be sure.
O, brothers, where art thou? I have a close friend who looks me straight in the eye and says unequivocally that violence by men is enabled by cultural and personal suppression of the feminine, and I can’t disagree.
O, brothers, where art thou? What have you noticed about any tectonic shifts in your world since Sept. 11? Are you taking time for reflection and centering thought about where you really want your priorities to be? Are you talking about your feelings to those who share your world, especially other men? If not, I respectfully urge you to do so.
O, brothers, where art thou? This is a very important time to be in a men’s group, to hunker down and explore the vivid terrain that now invites us into even deeper relationship with ourselves and with others. If you have a group, cherish it. If you don’t, be bold and gather some nearby men into a temporary conversation at least, and see what happens.
As I look over our UUMeN Objectives with suddenly new lenses, I see a couple that I would highlight this time around:
Challenge men to confront gender injustice, homophobia, racism, loneliness and distrust between men, and violence by men against women, children, other men, themselves, and the earth.
Foster, promote, and defend male-positive and male-valuing attitudes among ourselves and within the UUA and the larger culture.
The first of this set (culled from the eight statements that form our "Objectives") is indeed extremely relevant, but whoa—what a demanding task, writ large! I suggest that if we do take this challenge seriously we might each imagine ourselves addressing just one piece of this all-star line-up of struggles. Try saying each of those phrases out loud, separately, and then watch your interior reaction. There could be one that you feel especially strongly about, and that would be an angle to examine more closely.
Maybe your men’s group would want to dedicate a series of sessions, one on each of the phrases mentioned in that juicy statement. I count no less than ten important issues raised in that single sentence, all worthy of our attention, even if, individually, we only go after one at a time. Remember the old-but-still-noble cliché: if you’re not part of the solution, you may well be part of the problem. I find myself humbled and urged forward by the simple suggestion that "silence denotes complicity."
The second statement helps me to balance the challenges of the previous one, by reminding me to always lift up the best of who we are as men. Sure, we’ve got stuff to work on, but we’re already very wonderful beings who deserve to be honored and appreciated. Who better to do that honoring and appreciating than other men? Compliments from women are nice, for sure, but I also value and need support from other men. I especially want to thank my fellow UUMEN Steering Council members for their active expressions of solidarity. It’s a Beautiful Thing.
We’ve got to hold onto each other, my friends, and I invite you to reach out TODAY and express your affection to a brother. "Open a hailing frequency" and make contact, mano a mano. This is an easy, powerful way to contribute to a more peaceful world. There are good men around you, awaiting such connection. That is a big part of my faith.
Blessings on your hands, your heads and your hearts!
